Almost over...

My fall term is almost over, I know that Winter and Spring will be a lot easier academically, and the final summer term will be easier as well. I just need to pass this term and I will do fairly well. We were going to go to Kim's but mom wasn't feeling well so we cooked a modest dinner at home, I made the crescent rolls.

A while back I made a comment about never being asked to sing anywhere...well I am now singing at 3 separate events. So I guess I should be grateful, which I am. So now I just need to get through the next 3 weeks and this hellish term will be over. All the concerts will be over and I can look forward to the new year.

o/~ If happy little bluebirds fly, beyond the rainbow, why oh why can't I? o/~

Updatia

I had everything completed today that I needed to complete. That was cool. I have to play the piano into the compyter tomorrow for the middle school accompaniments I am somewhat nervous, and then I have to get my action research done.

I feel betterish about things at the moment...I just drank something called a Mocha Javalicious, not my favorite thing, but now I am hyped up on caffeine. As I sit here wondering certain things I contemplate the abstractidies of my present self. The lonely ones are forever alone, the happy ones can be eternally pleased.

APA Publication Manual is the bible for writing research papers. Whee!

o/~ Dum diddle diddle deedle dum diddlity aye o/~

The snowball effect

Much as a snowball gains girth as it rolls down the hill, Sometimes decision made in life can consequences as time goes on. To say that I am having a hard time keeping up with my studies is not an understatement. I got a phone call tonight from my supervisor and she is very concerned about my stress levels. I am trying to find ways for me to destress, but that has caused me to be a little more stressed simply because as my stress levels rise the dumber I feel.

I am trying to calm myself down and make sure that I have all that I need to have done, actually done. I know that I will make it through this, I will do all that is in my power to make sure of it.

I just hope and pray that I am not being eyeballed for dismissal from the program. Of course I will keep everyone informed, but I just need to get more organized. I have less than 24 hours to accomplish this.

Wish me luck!

The car is somewhat cleaner.

o/~ Falling....in a spiral motion....falling... o/~

What to do now?

Apologies to Meagan and Erin for not attending the soiree on friday night, it sounds like you all had an absolute blast. As you can tell from my own blog I was drowning in my own sorrows of remorse and despair.

Well I do feel better now, and so I started my first step in changing my life around, I got a haircut, as I was driving there I was talking to Tom about not reading my blog but he did and he did respond. I decided over teh phone with him to go to perfect look instead of supercuts. Well I changed my mind again, since I know I will never have the perfect look, I can still get a super cut. the lady took 10 lbs off my head and had a great time too! We joked and laughed and such, it was fun. Then I can home and feeling really exhausted I took a small name, and woke up about 6:30 thinking it was 8:30 and had a little sum sum to eat.

Now on to phase 2...laundry and cleaning the car. I feel fairly confident in this phase as it is just a general straightening up of the place. However I have been putting it off and I cannot do that any longer.

Phase 3 is more complicated and involves finishing projects, one being a bel duet and the second being getting my school life in order and completing the oproject that is due wednesday.

I did beat event 3 finally and that inspired me to move my modem into my room so I can hook up the xbox to it. I went online and played amped 2 (fun snowboarding game) and had some good times. Tonight, instead of a musical quote I will leave you with a snipit of conversation I had with a player from Switzerland who I felt was completely ingonrant.

Me: Welcome to the game, good luck.
Them: Whoa! Are you a guy or a girl?
Me: Neither, I am an energy being from the planet Kalaxor
Them: Really?
Me: Yeah.
Them: Where's that?

I think that is enough to prove my point.

Blah-gging!

They say there are many things you shouldn't do while you are depressed. I am adding blogging to the list. While I feel considerably better about my self-esteem from yesterday I still need to do a lot of searching within.

Until later...

o/~ ooo oooo oooooo oooo oooo ooooo o/~

Differentiated Thoughts

I have a problem, I am not sure if I have any true friends. I have people who tolerate my presence, but I can classify them into other categories...

Old friends: People whom I have known for a while who have a history of knowing each other, yet have lost touch. A quick re-cap of your lives in 30 seconds and a polite smile added with the classic " Let's do lunch sometime and catch up " usually applies and then nothing happens.

School friends: People who you see at achool and have a nice time hanging out at lunch or in class.

Show Friends: These are the people in a common area who are usually in shows together. You spend that intense month of rehearsals getting to know each other, and then the show run having fun, then after closing it's few and far between.

Acquaintances: Self-explanitory.

I don't know what the point to this is. I have also realized spending time with Tom, who I considered my best friend and confidant. I envy him, people are constantly asking him to be in this or sing that , etc. Perhaps I am selfish and want to have the feeling of someone coming to me and asking me to ing for something. I guess though I have to realize that I am not talented enough to have that haooen, I am just average.

I am tired though if trying to convince others and myself that I am good enough to do things. I would like to be remembered for what I have done and thought of for other things. This summer when we played my bell piece in Tacoma, a lot of people said they liked it but not one person followed up on what they said. It's sad and disheartening to know that once you may have been able to do things but now, it's not going to happen.

Perhaps I am self-centered and have delusions that someone would think of me sometime to do something and that i would feel flattered when they asked me if I would do something cause I was the first one they thought of. I know it's a large world full of poeple much more talented than I am. Perhaps when I leave the area someone will think 'What ever happened to so and so?" the thought will pass and that will be the end of it.

Perhaps wherever I go and wherever I am teaching it will be what I need to do and love it. I know I will miss my family and they will be the hardest ones to leave behind.

I was asked my T&S to sing at thier wedding and to sing thier first dance. I am dsad when I think that It was me who whined that I wanted to sing, and be part of the wedding. I don't know how I will tell them that I can't be part of the wedding now. Email seems to impersonal and telling them in person might drive me to insanity.

o/~ I can't make music, I can't make rhyme, I can't do anything to take me away this time. o/~

Introducing Thursday Elite...

Thursday is no longer available, it is now Thursday Elite. It is 34% better than regular Thursday.

I am no longer afraid, I am going to face tomorrow with all that I have, and all that I am. I am going to make my life better. I am making a vow to do well, get the 'A' that I need and be proud of all that I can accomplish.

I will beat event 3!

David

Reflections in a Dirty Mirror

Okay...I still haven't decided to audition for the show (sorry Meagan) but I do need to think about it soon. I am just concerned about time issues and dedication as I was advised not to do any extra activities. So I will sleep on it.

I picked up my pre-reserved copy of Halo 2, played it a little got confused and then turned it off. Then I debated organizing my life which is something I really do need to do, but might be hesitant for reasons I still have yet to discover.

I have a moral dilemma to deal with...church...I felt that I was dissed a little. I love everyone there and enjoyed my time there. However, changes are afoot and sadly no one has tried to find out where I went. The pastor called me today and let me know about a job opening at an ashland church and urged me to apply. I will also cintinue to play the bells through the end of the year, after that I don't know.

After reading Erin's blog I realized that 12 months from now, probably 9 months from now I will be working at a school, and a 50% chance it will be somewhere else. I feel I am prepared to go, I will be applying for jobs all over the states and will hopefully get some hits.

My CT wants me to take on the spring musical at EPHS, and I do too, however I don't think it will qualify as my overall worksample. THough I got some great ideas on what to do, like a themed set of tunes for the choirs. Like a set of 3-4 pieces with a theme, such as broadway, or renaissence, perhaps celtic tunes, or lots of ideas there. So all in all I feel that I will have a good handle on that and do well.

It is official, I will be in Ashland for my half day teaching Jan-Mar and then of course back in EP Apr - June. Then T&S wedding and then my last summer session, and then I will be all higherly edumacated.

Why do news weather graphics show the map of the region with giant black holes with pictures of clouds and stars? At night do they expect these globular holes to open up in the earth and just exsist? I also wonder about Alaska and how they state the weather...like in summer...Today it will be sunny with highs in the 70's, tonight...still sunny and about the same. Cause when we see the weather forecast they show cute pictures of suns and clouds for the day and stars for the night. So If I di dthe weather I would say Today it will be light and tonight it will get darker. I don't see why more people don't laugh when I see the forecast and see the evening forecast and be all surprised when it gets darker at night.

My last observation is about dating things...we were asked to date the paper and sign it. I made the comment that perhaps an appropriate first date is to have dinner and a movie or perhaps a nice quiet candlelit horseback ride though the rainforest. C'est La Vivre

o/~ What a difference a day makes....24 little hours...o/~

(Moderator'sNote: if y'all are wondering what o/~ is...it is supposed to be a graphic representation of an eighth note. yeah it's not filled in nor does it look right with the font. However it has always been my way of 'singing' and inseatd of using quotes I use that symbol to specify that the phrase is sung.)

Headaches and Blahz

I chose not to go to action research today since I knew I would be tired. I took a trip with the kids from the High School to Marin, CA and we ran sound for the West Coast Acapella Summit. I must admit it was very cool to see some professional AC groups and get up clsoe and personal with them. Some of the community groups were poorly out of tune but I can tell they tried. One person made a comment that there isn't lots of A Capella music out there and that is why they used a regular Kirby Shaw octavo and just sang it without accompaniment. That irked me a tad but I got over it. The most stressful part of the trip was my CT and her husband, man can they get intense. the concert on Saturday was amazing too, I saw this group called minimum wage and was able to to do a little improv with them and they were somewhat impressed with my use of the word tomato.

All in all the bus rides with the kids were the most tiring. There is this one kid who I shall call 'X', he seems to be all clingy with me and seems like a nice enough kid. He devulged much information to me and seems to look up to me. He said he trusted me and I just have to wonder sometimes. I know he is sincere but it is hard to hear the truth. He says many things yet his actions contradict his words. Also since I only see him once a week in the afternoons in concert choir and will only see him for like 4 more weeks and then not agian until march I hope he does okay.

Tivo is acting up, how sad!

I want to audition for the new CTD show, it sounds really cool and I miss performing sooo much, but the time is a major issue. I know the only ones reading this blog might have different opinions but at least I am able to express myself here. I am torn since I have school shows the week of opening which would be a major conflict.

Other than that I am still awaiting my new debit card which is frustrating, and to hear from Hollywood video about a job.

o/~ Manic monday, wish it were a sunday, cause that's my funday....just another manic monday...whoa oh oh o/~

(Moderator's note: I really don't wish it were Sunday, it wasn't that fun, well the whole gospel sing was great, but the rest was kinda....eh, and then the 8 hour bus ride home, and not a nice bus with plush seats, but a big yellow school bus that looks like a giat yellow caterpillar, then getting home after midnight and getting up for school...)

Please stay tuned...

I am in a bit of a pickle, but be releived in knowing that the next time I post I will try and have halloween pictures. I am suffering from major headaches and such, but hopefully will feel better soon. I promise I will post agian at least before I go to SF this weekend.

o/~ Love knows no season, love knows no clime, romace can blosson any old time...o/~