Differentiated Thoughts
I have a problem, I am not sure if I have any true friends. I have people who tolerate my presence, but I can classify them into other categories...
Old friends: People whom I have known for a while who have a history of knowing each other, yet have lost touch. A quick re-cap of your lives in 30 seconds and a polite smile added with the classic " Let's do lunch sometime and catch up " usually applies and then nothing happens.
School friends: People who you see at achool and have a nice time hanging out at lunch or in class.
Show Friends: These are the people in a common area who are usually in shows together. You spend that intense month of rehearsals getting to know each other, and then the show run having fun, then after closing it's few and far between.
Acquaintances: Self-explanitory.
I don't know what the point to this is. I have also realized spending time with Tom, who I considered my best friend and confidant. I envy him, people are constantly asking him to be in this or sing that , etc. Perhaps I am selfish and want to have the feeling of someone coming to me and asking me to ing for something. I guess though I have to realize that I am not talented enough to have that haooen, I am just average.
I am tired though if trying to convince others and myself that I am good enough to do things. I would like to be remembered for what I have done and thought of for other things. This summer when we played my bell piece in Tacoma, a lot of people said they liked it but not one person followed up on what they said. It's sad and disheartening to know that once you may have been able to do things but now, it's not going to happen.
Perhaps I am self-centered and have delusions that someone would think of me sometime to do something and that i would feel flattered when they asked me if I would do something cause I was the first one they thought of. I know it's a large world full of poeple much more talented than I am. Perhaps when I leave the area someone will think 'What ever happened to so and so?" the thought will pass and that will be the end of it.
Perhaps wherever I go and wherever I am teaching it will be what I need to do and love it. I know I will miss my family and they will be the hardest ones to leave behind.
I was asked my T&S to sing at thier wedding and to sing thier first dance. I am dsad when I think that It was me who whined that I wanted to sing, and be part of the wedding. I don't know how I will tell them that I can't be part of the wedding now. Email seems to impersonal and telling them in person might drive me to insanity.
o/~ I can't make music, I can't make rhyme, I can't do anything to take me away this time. o/~
Old friends: People whom I have known for a while who have a history of knowing each other, yet have lost touch. A quick re-cap of your lives in 30 seconds and a polite smile added with the classic " Let's do lunch sometime and catch up " usually applies and then nothing happens.
School friends: People who you see at achool and have a nice time hanging out at lunch or in class.
Show Friends: These are the people in a common area who are usually in shows together. You spend that intense month of rehearsals getting to know each other, and then the show run having fun, then after closing it's few and far between.
Acquaintances: Self-explanitory.
I don't know what the point to this is. I have also realized spending time with Tom, who I considered my best friend and confidant. I envy him, people are constantly asking him to be in this or sing that , etc. Perhaps I am selfish and want to have the feeling of someone coming to me and asking me to ing for something. I guess though I have to realize that I am not talented enough to have that haooen, I am just average.
I am tired though if trying to convince others and myself that I am good enough to do things. I would like to be remembered for what I have done and thought of for other things. This summer when we played my bell piece in Tacoma, a lot of people said they liked it but not one person followed up on what they said. It's sad and disheartening to know that once you may have been able to do things but now, it's not going to happen.
Perhaps I am self-centered and have delusions that someone would think of me sometime to do something and that i would feel flattered when they asked me if I would do something cause I was the first one they thought of. I know it's a large world full of poeple much more talented than I am. Perhaps when I leave the area someone will think 'What ever happened to so and so?" the thought will pass and that will be the end of it.
Perhaps wherever I go and wherever I am teaching it will be what I need to do and love it. I know I will miss my family and they will be the hardest ones to leave behind.
I was asked my T&S to sing at thier wedding and to sing thier first dance. I am dsad when I think that It was me who whined that I wanted to sing, and be part of the wedding. I don't know how I will tell them that I can't be part of the wedding now. Email seems to impersonal and telling them in person might drive me to insanity.
o/~ I can't make music, I can't make rhyme, I can't do anything to take me away this time. o/~
posted by D. E. Weck @ 10:06 PM
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